Lord, I Believe...Help My Unbelief

It's safe to say that every parent probably believes their child is the most beautiful child on earth. That their child is perfect. That their child is....and so on. Your father and I are no exception. I catch myself just staring at you two, in awe of how beautiful you both are. I look at you and think, perfect. You are absolutely perfect. 

So when something happens that makes us think their could be something wrong, our whole world is shaken. I have said from the beginning (before you were even born) that God has great things in store for you both - He worked too many miracles for that not to be true. 

A month or so ago, I read something about preemies that I slightly noticed in one of your behaviors. I read that while this behavior is extremely common in preemies, it could also end up being a sign to a pretty serious disease. Well, this just shook my world. I tried not to dwell on this fear. I told myself to live in the present and soak up these precious moments. I trusted God had a plan for you both and not to fear. I have prayed and prayed that you'd both continue to grow and healthily develop - and I believed you would.  Mark 9:24, "...the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." How many times have I uttered these words in the past month? "Lord, I believe you have given me two healthy boys and have great plans for their lives. Lord, please help calm my nerves and trust my boys are healthy."

Today we had your four month appointment. I couldn't eat all day. I was so anxious as I had decided to present my concern to the doctor. All day long I found myself praying, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief." 

As I pulled into the doctor's office, the last song to come on the radio was Let Faith Arise. Instantly, my worries were gone. I no longer needed doctor confirmation. God had confirmed your health for me right there in that moment. But God never stops at just one tender moment, He is constantly showing His love for us. You both checked out beautifully! The doctor even said, "Had you not mentioned anything, I would have never thought anything. They are both developing beautifully," and kissed the tops of your heads. 

We are so blessed, little boys. I know, as a mother, this won't be the last time I worry over you two. I love you more than I can explain and so I want nothing but that best for you. When that is jeopardized, it's hard not to worry. But as God instructs, take no thought for the morrow (easier said than done for a self-proclaimed worrier). I trust God has a beautiful plan for you both and will protect you through this life. And when I find my faith momentarily shaken, I will ask God to forgive me as I whisper, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief."