Humbled

Today we ventured out of the house with Zsu Zsu to the mall. First of all, shoo-wee!! Two babies and a stroller being maneuvered down tight racks of clothing, while fighting off meltdowns (which we did!!) was quite the experience.

But while walking through the mall we saw something that struck me so hard. Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched and then looked at my peaceful snoozing babes. I had to fight off fully breaking out into sobs. 

A woman (maybe her mother?) was speaking to a young girl (anywhere from 5-8 maybe) in a wheelchair / stroller. The sweet little girl clearly had some serious health problems. The woman was leaning over, making perfect eye contact with the little girl. She was stroking her face, speaking so kindly and lovingly to her. 

I have never felt so humbled, so quickly, as in that moment. I instantly began to pray, thanking God for you boys. One year ago, I wondered if I'd ever be a mother, so we prayed for a miracle. Six months ago, I wondered if you boys would be born too early to live, so we prayed for a miracle. Four months ago, I wondered if you would have any health complications, and so we prayed for a miracle. 

Today, in the middle of the mall, I stared at your faces and saw my miracles. Seeing that sweet little girl so quickly put into perspective what our lives could have been. So today, I humbly say, Thank you, God, for answering our prayers. Thank you for giving us the gift of parenthood. Thank you, God, for the health of our beautiful boys. Thank you for that moment in the mall today to remind me how incredibly fortunate we are. Thank you for your goodness.

One-on-One

I have been very aware that before you were even born, you both have to share everything, including your time with me. Already, I have been very intentional in making sure you each have some special one-on-one time with your momma. Some of my favorites so far...

After your first feeding of the day you are both so happy and playful. I play with one of you first, before your brother wakes up. Then it's back to bed, breakfast for the sleepy head, and playtime number two! I love these sweet little smiles and special time we share each morning.

Most afternoons, we enjoy some silly singing together. You boys both love music so much! I will sing to you and normally your crying will stop and it's instant smiles. This never ceases to amaze me. Ryan, today you even started to coo while I was singing as if you were singing along with me!

 

 Bath-time! I adore bath-time with you both...and you do too! Again, your crazy momma talks and sings to you the entire time.

 

 Some specific, special moments...

Wiley, you snoozed on my chest, while I enjoyed some quiet time to myself reading. I love the feeling of snuggling with you, my little cuddle bug.

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Ryan, you had some of your best tummy time to date...no tears either! You were so focused on me. I love the eye contact you now hold with me.

Wiley, you brought me to tears the other day. I was holding you, staring you in the eyes, and thoughtless singing along to a song. I then sang the lyrics, "All this time we were waiting for each other. All this time I was waiting for you," and instantly began to tear up. I looked into your eyes and realized how true those words were; how long I had waited for you. It was one of the sweetest moments we had shared.

Ryan, you wouldn't go back to bed one morning, so it was just you and me for the next couple hours. I began reading to you, "On the Night You Were Born." Once it was over, I began to explain to you where your name came from. I began to share with you stories about family members who have passed away. I told you about each of your four great grandparents and how much they would've loved you; you smiled with each story.

Boys, I know you will probably more than often be lumped together as "the twins." But know this, you are each very special to me in your own different ways. You are each loved as the separate individuals that you are by me and your father. We love watching you grow and develop your own personalities. Already, you are both different and I love that. Yes, you are "the boys," "the twins," and our "two peas in a pod," but you are also my sweet Wiley and my precious Ryan. I love you both dearly.

Four Months

Wiley 

• 9 lbs 13 oz
• you're our little cuddle bug and love to fall asleep on mommy or daddy's chest
• you like to eat...a lot...and all the time!
• you love your rattle and when mommy sings to you
• you love your daddy - just hearing his voice (even over the phone) and you are completely captivated 

Ryan

• 8 lbs 15 oz
• you love being walked, cradled, and patted...simultaneously 
• your feedings are starting to spread out (for now!) and you've been sleeping 6 hours at night!!
• you love music - singing a song often stops a crying fit
• you love your daddy - just hearing his voice (even over the phone) and you are completely captivated 

Yesterday, we had your all's two month (adjusted age) follow up with the neonatal specialists. When we arrived, I saw one of our favorite NICU doctor's was working. I was so thankful to see a familiar face who knew you two already. She checked you both out and you received great reports. You are both exhibiting a few typical preemie behaviors (the ones that had me worried last week!) and she gave us some exercises we can be doing to help work through these things. She also gave us a chart to monitor your development (the teacher in me was ecstatic to have some goals to work towards in a great little graph). 

As we walked out Zsu Zsu pointed out how blessed we are as we saw two other babies waiting with feeding tubes still in. She is so right. We are so thankful for your amazing health. There were so many "what ifs" and "could be's" when you were born. And for none of those things to have happened is such an answered prayer. God has been so good to our family. I cannot believe four months have passed already. Two months ago I thought we'd never bring you home and now, it feels like you've always been with us. 

God is so very good!

Lord, I Believe...Help My Unbelief

It's safe to say that every parent probably believes their child is the most beautiful child on earth. That their child is perfect. That their child is....and so on. Your father and I are no exception. I catch myself just staring at you two, in awe of how beautiful you both are. I look at you and think, perfect. You are absolutely perfect. 

So when something happens that makes us think their could be something wrong, our whole world is shaken. I have said from the beginning (before you were even born) that God has great things in store for you both - He worked too many miracles for that not to be true. 

A month or so ago, I read something about preemies that I slightly noticed in one of your behaviors. I read that while this behavior is extremely common in preemies, it could also end up being a sign to a pretty serious disease. Well, this just shook my world. I tried not to dwell on this fear. I told myself to live in the present and soak up these precious moments. I trusted God had a plan for you both and not to fear. I have prayed and prayed that you'd both continue to grow and healthily develop - and I believed you would.  Mark 9:24, "...the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." How many times have I uttered these words in the past month? "Lord, I believe you have given me two healthy boys and have great plans for their lives. Lord, please help calm my nerves and trust my boys are healthy."

Today we had your four month appointment. I couldn't eat all day. I was so anxious as I had decided to present my concern to the doctor. All day long I found myself praying, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief." 

As I pulled into the doctor's office, the last song to come on the radio was Let Faith Arise. Instantly, my worries were gone. I no longer needed doctor confirmation. God had confirmed your health for me right there in that moment. But God never stops at just one tender moment, He is constantly showing His love for us. You both checked out beautifully! The doctor even said, "Had you not mentioned anything, I would have never thought anything. They are both developing beautifully," and kissed the tops of your heads. 

We are so blessed, little boys. I know, as a mother, this won't be the last time I worry over you two. I love you more than I can explain and so I want nothing but that best for you. When that is jeopardized, it's hard not to worry. But as God instructs, take no thought for the morrow (easier said than done for a self-proclaimed worrier). I trust God has a beautiful plan for you both and will protect you through this life. And when I find my faith momentarily shaken, I will ask God to forgive me as I whisper, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief."

You're Gonna Miss This

I can't believe how quickly life is moving. Each day brings us something new to ooh and ahh over. We have been so incredibly busy and just taking each day in. You are smiling now. You are cooing and talking to us. You have had your first walk around the neighborhood (and Zsu Zsu and Paka's neighborhood!). We had a sweet visit from one of our favorite nurses, Terri! You even met one of your Florida cousins. Life is just amazing.

Your dad and I are trying to savor each moment - even the screaming fits you both seem to enjoy between 7-9 each night! We are living by the song, "You're Gonna Miss This." It seems like just yesterday he and I were first dating in high school. Just yesterday we were in college together. And now, in a blink of an eye, those stages have passed. I can't imagine how much more quickly these precious years are going to go by. So with everything, we tell ourselves (and often sing to you while you're screaming!), "You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times, so take a good look around. You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this."

Photo Shoot

Before you were born, an old friend contacted me asking if she could take your all's pictures once you arrived. Your daddy and I jumped at the opportunity. We may be a little biased, but I do believe you are just the cutest little boys we ever did see!

 

 

 

Slumber Party

Thursday night we had a sleepover at Paka and Zsu Zsu's house. And that's just what we did....sleep. A lot. It was wonderful and apparently much needed for your momma and papa!