This is Where the Healing Begins

Throughout this journey there have been moments where I have felt hurt by others not seeming to care about all we are going through. Before leaving for campout there had been some miscommunications and my sister-in-law thought I was mad at her. Instead of holding my family accountable for things they may not have even realized they had done, I decided to write her a letter.

Dear Callie,
 I wanted to write you because I feel like you've heard from everyone (whether your mom or Keal), but me and I feel like it'd be best if you did hear it from me.

First and foremost, congratulations! We are so excited for you and Matt. I can't wait to meet my new niece or nephew!

Secondly, I was never mad at you. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous at first, but I was never mad at you. The week I saw you at the game was probably one of the worst I've ever had. I had never felt so angry, discouraged, and depressed. I knew at the end of the week I'd see you Sunday at the reunion. So while working through my own problems, I also was preparing myself to see and congratulate you on Sunday.

When you showed up to the game Thursday, I was taken aback. I hadn't prepared myself or expected to see you. I'm sorry if I was acting mad / distant with you. I was crying at drop of a hat that day. I didn't want to upset you or you think I was crying because of you. So, I just steered clear. It had nothing to do with you. It was because of my own pain and discouragement with our own difficulties.

Finally, I want you to know I don't mind if you ever want to ask me questions / bring up all that Keal and I are going through. Sometimes I feel like people don't know how to act around me and so they just figure ignore it and act like nothing's wrong. And honestly, that hurts worse because I feel like I'm going through all this pain and no one asks to see how I'm doing. I understand if you're uncomfortable talking to me about it. But sometimes, a generic "thinking of you" text means the world to me. It reminds me that I'm not alone and you guys haven't forgotten about me.

Anyway, I'm sorry if I have hurt you at all. I know we don't talk often, but I'm always here if you need a friend to chat with! I love you, Callie, and I'm blessed and grateful to have you as my sister. Again, congrats to you and Matt. Noah is such a testament to what wonderful parents you are -- Baby #2 is a lucky little guy!

So, we left for campout and I put the letter in the mail. While at campout, I received a text from her thanking me for the letter, apologizing for not asking about me, and letting me know that she and Matt think about us often. I felt such a peace and healing from that little text and would've been happy if that was the end of it.

But as I've said often before on here, God is amazing and doesn't stop at just one little blessing! After returning from campout I received another text from her asking about an upcoming procedure. We texted back and forth for awhile, ending with the decision that they'd be coming over for dinner this weekend!

Well, yesterday they came over and we had a wonderful evening. Callie and I were able to talk in greater detail about you and our journey to you. I was able to comfortably talk to her about her own pregnancy. We were able to just chat as if we always do this. And, I was even able to resist all temptation of jealousy. As much as I adore my nephew, I often get really sad around him, knowing that he is exactly what I want. This time was different. Last night I felt a peace, I felt happy for my sister and her family, and I felt confident knowing that one day this would be mine, but just not yet. Thank you God for helping me stay positive and faithful in you! Thank you God for this journey to our sweet little one! And thank you God for the healing I feel with Callie.