In My Saturday

Yesterday, while listening to the radio, the DJ asked if anyone was "stuck in their Saturday." She explained that on Friday Christ was killed and on Sunday he arose. But what about that Saturday? Saturday was the day in between - of waiting and wondering what would happen. Saturday was a silent day. It may have included pain, as they were mourning Christ's death, unaware of the hope Sunday would bring. Did the people feel God was ignoring them? As I reflected on this thought of a Silent Saturday, a day in between the problem and solution, I realized this journey is definitely my Saturday, waiting and wondering when our prayers will be answered.

Later, we were heading to Keal's side of the family for an early Easter celebration. All week long I have told Keal, I'm not going. Each holiday is another reminder that you still aren't here. You should be searching for Easter eggs with your cousins. Plus, this would be the first family function I would attend with baby Logan. I was just dreading it...

I am so happy and blessed that I went. I feel like there has been such a healing between Keal's family and me. Before, at these family functions, I felt so alone in my pain.

It is so different now. While they can't understand everything I'm going through, they do acknowledge that we're in pain. And for me, that is more than enough. I feel loved and I feel cared for.

Yesterday, I held baby Logan for a long time. I even had the opportunity to feed him. And I didn't even feel sadness. I was happy to be holding my sweet nephew. For this healing I am grateful.

As Keal's cousin was leaving, I could see tears in her eyes as she whispered to me, "That baby looks real good on you. You are a natural. Your day is coming sweetheart." I was so touched by her words and her acknowledgement.

Then, as Keal and I were leaving, his mom and sister both hugged me with tears in their eyes, thanking me for coming even though they knew how hard it was for me. I was so touched and thankful that they acknowledge these sacrifices we are making. Before I feared that I would have to stop coming to family functions because they were just too painful. I felt so alone. But now, having their love and support makes me realize that I can attend these events.

Today, is Easter. Today we celebrate that Christ was willing to die and rise again for each one of us. Today we celebrate that our Saturday, our waiting, had ended, giving us an opportunity for eternal life. And while I celebrate such a beautiful day, I also celebrate this personal Saturday that I am still in. I celebrate that some day our waiting will end and we will finally have you in our lives!