Loving Life

Tonight we headed out to dinner for another celebration for Keal's birthday. As we were driving I found myself reflecting on the day, the week, on you two, and my life in general. All I kept thinking was, "Wow. I have a great life...I love my life."

Thursday we put the final bookshelf into the living room. We then were able to get our living room back to normal, organize the bookshelves, and remove some of the boxes from your all's nursery. After a long night, we plopped on the couch, sat back, and admired all of Keal's hard work! I am still so impressed with his talents. It has completely changed our house for the better.

our living room at the start of summer

our living room on Thursday...few small finishing touches, but practically complete!!

I then began thinking about my first week back to school and what a wonderful class I have. At the end of each school year, I think, "No class will ever top this one," and each year I'm pleasantly surprised with another wonderful group that I quickly fall in love with. I am so thankful to be in a field where I know I am called to be; in a field where I get to shape and mold lives on a daily basis. I am thankful for fabulous colleagues who help take care of me and make sure I'm taking it easy for you two. 

From here, I began thinking about the seriousness of bringing two perfectly, innocent lives into this world and being responsible for shaping your lives. I became so prayerful that as your parents we would make the Lord proud and help mold two lives that loved the Lord as well. I prayed that we will be able to teach you the importance of love and respect - for yourselves and for others. As I was praying and rubbing my belly, I felt you move the strongest you've ever moved before! It was fabulous. 

And then my wandering mind went back to where we were a year ago, nearly to the date....our first attempt with the shots had been unsuccessful. I went into the treatments so optimistic, believing we'd try once and then be pregnant. After our first failed attempt, I was sad and empty. If I couldn't be a mother, I felt like my life had lost purpose. I spent most of last year in a war with myself; a war between faith and depression. I so badly wanted to stay strong and faithful the entire time, but found myself occasionally slipping into dark and lonely places. I am so grateful God rescued me from my war.

I am grateful for the opportunity to be your all's momma. I am so thankful that I am me again. I am happy. I am content. I feel whole again. It is a wonderful feeling to be at such a place of contentment in your life...especially when you've been to a place so dark you thought you'd never escape. I am beyond blessed. My life is far more perfect than anything I could have ever planned myself. I'm glad God had us in His embrace the whole time, guiding us to where we are today. I'm thankful that I now know that our struggle to you all was all apart of something bigger and better. I am almost giddy with happiness and contentment. I just love my beautiful life!

All those days watching from the windows 
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I've been
Now I'm here blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here suddenly I see
Standing here it's all so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be  

And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you