Your First Concert

Well, my little ones, already you are getting lots of great experiences! This week you went to your first ever concert. Long before I started writing to you, long before my Let Faith Arise Playlist began to form, at the very start of our journey, I had heard a song...

I was driving home from the appointment where I had been told I was infertile and was going to need to seek additional help. I was in such pain and discouragement. I had made most of the drive home in silence, crying and wallowing in self-pity. A mile away from our neighborhood, I turned on a local Christian radio station. A song I had heard countless times, and loved, was playing. Through falling tears, I began belting out the words to this song, praising God for all the good in my life. Though I was mourning the difficult news we had just received, I was immediately reminded of all the good God had done for me. I was immediately reminded that through it all He had never left me and never would. I began praising my living savior in the midst of my newest storm.

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You 

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

And through it all, though there were days that were harder than others, I tried to praise God in all of the storms we faced. I tried to stay focused on the fact that I knew God had a plan for us and that I needed to trust that His plan was better than ours.

Monday night as I stood at that concert singing these same words, my hand on the two of you, I felt like we had come full circle. It was almost two and a half years ago that I sang these words through my tears, driving home from that dreaded doctor's appointment. It was almost two and a half years ago when I had gone from such self-pity to feeling immediately rescued by such powerful words. And here I stood, almost two and a half years later, still strong in my conviction, and still praising my God through all of life's storms. As I stood there singing, I was praising God that He got us through this storm and that you will both soon be in my life. As I stood there singing, I was praising God for the storms I know that are sure to ensue through the rest of my life. Because through it all, He will never leave my side. And no matter what we face, we will praise Him in the storm!

17 Weeks

Loving Life

Tonight we headed out to dinner for another celebration for Keal's birthday. As we were driving I found myself reflecting on the day, the week, on you two, and my life in general. All I kept thinking was, "Wow. I have a great life...I love my life."

Thursday we put the final bookshelf into the living room. We then were able to get our living room back to normal, organize the bookshelves, and remove some of the boxes from your all's nursery. After a long night, we plopped on the couch, sat back, and admired all of Keal's hard work! I am still so impressed with his talents. It has completely changed our house for the better.

our living room at the start of summer

our living room on Thursday...few small finishing touches, but practically complete!!

I then began thinking about my first week back to school and what a wonderful class I have. At the end of each school year, I think, "No class will ever top this one," and each year I'm pleasantly surprised with another wonderful group that I quickly fall in love with. I am so thankful to be in a field where I know I am called to be; in a field where I get to shape and mold lives on a daily basis. I am thankful for fabulous colleagues who help take care of me and make sure I'm taking it easy for you two. 

From here, I began thinking about the seriousness of bringing two perfectly, innocent lives into this world and being responsible for shaping your lives. I became so prayerful that as your parents we would make the Lord proud and help mold two lives that loved the Lord as well. I prayed that we will be able to teach you the importance of love and respect - for yourselves and for others. As I was praying and rubbing my belly, I felt you move the strongest you've ever moved before! It was fabulous. 

And then my wandering mind went back to where we were a year ago, nearly to the date....our first attempt with the shots had been unsuccessful. I went into the treatments so optimistic, believing we'd try once and then be pregnant. After our first failed attempt, I was sad and empty. If I couldn't be a mother, I felt like my life had lost purpose. I spent most of last year in a war with myself; a war between faith and depression. I so badly wanted to stay strong and faithful the entire time, but found myself occasionally slipping into dark and lonely places. I am so grateful God rescued me from my war.

I am grateful for the opportunity to be your all's momma. I am so thankful that I am me again. I am happy. I am content. I feel whole again. It is a wonderful feeling to be at such a place of contentment in your life...especially when you've been to a place so dark you thought you'd never escape. I am beyond blessed. My life is far more perfect than anything I could have ever planned myself. I'm glad God had us in His embrace the whole time, guiding us to where we are today. I'm thankful that I now know that our struggle to you all was all apart of something bigger and better. I am almost giddy with happiness and contentment. I just love my beautiful life!

All those days watching from the windows 
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I've been
Now I'm here blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here suddenly I see
Standing here it's all so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be  

And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

Nursery (sorta) Update: The End Is In Sight

Well, after a summer of incredibly hard work, our living room is almost put back together and the bookshelves are almost complete. We are one UPS delivery away from all four pieces being put into the living room, emptying out the office / nursery, and beginning to really clean out your all's room!

The two weeks after campout were spent painting the cabinets (with a lot of thanks to Johnny who was here every single night for more than 10 days straight, painting away). It's amazing how much more finished they began to look even after just a coat of primer.

After the paint job was complete, a terribly tedious job of sanding the dry wall was next on the list. Unfortunately, the fireplace wasn't completely square, so it was a pretty tight squeeze to get the bookshelves in. Too avoid having to force them in, we decided to sand some space off of the walls. What an awful job for Keal and me - he trying to sand and me following him around with the shop-vac, trying to pick up all the dust.

so much for our lovely paint job!

Our cabinets were now painted and dry, ready for the lights to be put in.

so proud of himself!

All summer long, Keal has talked and talked about "needing" a new TV for our living room makeover. And while I agreed (to an extent), it definitely wasn't a priority for me. So, we began budgeting and saving any "extra" money that came in, putting it to our new TV. One night I came home to find Keal even wrapping his coins to make an extra 50 bucks! His goal: to have saved enough to buy a TV for Christmas.

For his birthday I decided to surprise him and go ahead and get his TV now. I was going to buy it myself, but he had researched and found the "perfect" TV and I didn't want to make such a big purchase by myself. So, together we went out and got his birthday gift.

very excited about his birthday present

Finally, with the cables and TV purchased, the cabinets sanded, painted, and finished, it was time to start moving them back into the house!

Getting some help from Uncle KiKi to move them into the house

I was so ecstatic, I had to put something in the cabinets right away. I went with the oh, so important board games! After getting a quick power nap on my lap, we enjoyed our new TV, the Steelers, and our new living room set up together last night.

 

It isn't even finished yet and already I love our living room! I was sitting on our couch last night just admiring your dad's work. It is amazing to me that he is able to turn just some regular boards of wood into incredibly beautiful pieces of furniture! I am so excited that the end of this project is in sight and all of his hard work has paid off so well. I can't wait to get back into your nursery, clean it out, and start planning for you two (just over three more weeks until we know if we should be planning for boys, girls, or both...then we can really get your nursery set up!).

16 Weeks

It's a Beautiful Day

What a busy, wonderful day today has been. Today was:

1. Keal's birthday

2. My last day of summer

3. Our 16 week checkup!

And while I am finally sitting down for what feels like the first time today, today has been the perfect end to summer and perfect way to celebrate my fabulous hubby and your awesome daddy.  

The day began with my mom and I heading to my school to make the finishing touches on my room before Open House tomorrow. From there, it was off to the mall for my mom to pick up Keal's gift. Next stop a craft store and finally lunch! It had been a whirlwind of a morning, but fun time spent with my mom.

Somewhere in the midst of our running, I had texted Keal, "If you're so slow today, you should ask off for your birthday. Come to the doctor with us!" Well when he didn't respond, I assumed work had picked back up and he couldn't get off. 

Together, my mom and I headed into our appointment. While in the waiting room, I had to make some financial decisions and wanted to run it by Keal first. So, I gave him a call, but got no answer. As I disappointedly put my phone away, I looked up to see Keal standing at my chair! He had been able to get off and join us at the appointment. What a great guy - surprising me on his birthday!

Today, we got to get another peek at you, and your "Zsu Zsu" got to "meet" and see you in person for the first time. I know you are constantly growing and changing every day, but seeing these changes on screen is always amazing to me. There you both were, just a wiggling and moving like crazy, all snuggled up next to each other. Today I even saw your adorable noses! You are now so big, that's it difficult to see you both at the same time. And to think, just a few weeks ago you weren't even an inch long!

From here, we said goodbye to Zsu Zsu and began the birthday festivities. First off, a scrumptious meal at a place Keal had been dying to try, Burgers and Mussels. From there, an early movie. And finally, we wrapped our evening up with pie to go (your father doesn't care for cake, so he always gets birthday pie instead) and enjoyed it on the back patio. 

Shew. I'm tired just retelling this exhaustingly, perfect day!

15 Weeks