Bittersweet

Well, today has been a crazy, hectic, bittersweet day. And as crazy, stressful as it was at school, I was almost thankful for it because it kept my mind off feeling sad about this journey.

Today I should've been calling the doctor to make an appointment to start another month of treatment. Saturday I would've been starting the pills all over again, and Tuesday would have started yet another round of the shots.

My first feeling was sadness. Even though we knew the medications didn't work this month, there is always a piece of me that hopes that this could be our miracle month because I know that God is bigger than the medication. So, when I found out we weren't pregnant this month, I was first very sad. It can be challenging to stay positive when this journey feels so long and unending. But, I continue to hold fast to that hope. I know our miracle is waiting to happen.

After the initial sadness passed, I was really quite grateful to not be calling the doctor today. It is hard not to be so [negatively] wrapped up in this journey when your schedule revolves around the constant doctor's appointments, needles, and pills. The medications are all finally out of my body and I feel myself coming back. I'm not quite so mopey or focused on this journey. I'm not quite so snippety or agitated with everyone around me. I feel like me again.

So, though I was hesitant at first to take time off from the doctor's, I am already feeling grateful for this decision. I know God has a plan for us and we will trust Him and follow His guidance. We will patiently wait for you little one. And while waiting, we will continue to count all the blessings we have in our life. And who knows, maybe God is going to work this miracle without the need of doctor's at all. No matter what His plan, we will have faith and hope that He will work this miracle in our life.