Lift Up My Life

Faith is such a funny thing. Maybe not faith. Maybe it's mankind that is funny. Through the ups and downs of our fertility struggle, I trusted God would make us parents one way or another. And yet, as much as I believed that, there were days I questioned His plan. Once we got pregnant, I told everyone, "They'll be perfect. God has brought us too far not to bless this pregnancy." And yet we found ourselves in the hospital, begging God to keep you both safe. And again, there were days I questioned His plan.

Now, here we are, finally with the only thing we ever wanted. We are parents and so incredibly thankful for the miracle of your all's lives. And yet, I'm embarrassed to say, my human brain still gets in the way. I find myself slipping and asking God why we can't have you at home. I find myself asking why we don't get to experience these first weeks and maybe months like "normal" parents. I find myself still struggling as I leave you each day, even though I know you are in good hands.

As I was driving to the hospital today, I began pouring my heart out to God singing along to, "Lift My Life Up." It was such a perfect and much needed wake-up call. The lyrics are right on point to what we, as a family, are going through:

You brought me this far, so why would I question You now
You have provided, so why would I start to doubt
I've never been stranded, abandoned or left here to fight alone
So I'm giving You control

I lift my life, lift my life up
I give it all in surrender
I lift my heart, lift my heart up
You can have it forever
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord I leave it in Your hands
I lift my life, lift my life up

Have Your way in me
Have Your way in me
 
Take my life and let it be all for You
Take my life and let it be all for You

No, the norm is not what God has planned for us. But He has provided us with you precious miracles, so why would we ever doubt His plan? In our darkest days of this journey, God has been by our side the entire time. So, why question Him?

Instead, as I promised at the water's edge on July 9, 2000, I lift my life up to Him. I lift my heart up. And though I know I will fall countless more times, I give it all over to Him and pray that my life can be an example to others.