It's funny, I thought I'd be more prepared this time around. I knew what to expect. I'm a pro at shots. I know how my body reacts to the meds. The countless doctor appointments, no big deal.
Boy, was I wrong.
This morning I stood in the bathroom, needle in hand, palms sweaty, tears streaming down my face. I just couldn't do it this morning. The first time around, each shot was one step closer to getting you. This time, I feel a little more jaded. Yes, if this works, each shot is one step closer to you. But, we've done this before with no luck. This time around I feel like I'm doing this for nothing, to just hear that it didn't work again.
I am trying to be hopeful, positive, and faithful that God has this all under control, but part of me just wishes we could get to you without the needles, the meds, and the doctors. I keep reminding myself of this quote:
"Even when God seemed to have abandoned me, he was watching me. Even when He seemed indifferent to my suffering, He was watching. And when I was beyond all hope of saving...He gave me rest and gave me a sign to continue my journey." ~Life of Pi~
I know God is with us. I know there is a reason for all we are going through. And no matter what, I know He is going to help us continue on our journey to you.
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