Not Strong Enough

Well, today is a bad day. And, I started the day without even trying to fight it. I was just miserable and going to give myself a day to be miserable (every now and then you need to just let it out).

Well, this afternoon I had the house to myself as Keal and his dad worked on the patio out back. So I fiddled around the house, blaring some Christian music, trying to burn off some of my anger. Music can usually rescue me. Not today. All of the songs were awful. Not only that, I didn't recognize one song in a thirty minute span - which is bizarre being that I've only been listening to Christian radio in the past several months. "See, not even these stupid songs snap me outta this today." Whenever you're angry it seems like you can find all the reasons why you should stay angry. I mean, if the Christian songs are even bad, then of course that's reason to stay mad!

And as I was thinking these negative thoughts, God showed Himself, yet again to me. (I often imagine how exhausted God must get with me....and yet He never lets me down. And even when I begin to doubt Him or myself, He still stays right by and picks me up, time and time again.)

As I was feeling exhausted from this journey to you; as I was getting angry that you aren't here yet; and as I was asking God why; the song "Strong Enough," came on.

I mean, could these lyrics be any better?! This is exactly what my heart was feeling today. This is exactly what I've been feeling. From the first verse to the last, the ups and downs of this song is exactly how I feel. I want to ask Mr. West if he wrote this song with my journey to you in mind! So, in the midst of my pity-party-kinda-day, I'm thanking God that even though I'm not strong enough today to handle this journey, I know He is strong enough to carry me through. And I know that with complete and total faith, you are waiting for me at the end of this journey.