Strangely Dim

There is so much to be thankful for today! We headed out to yet another appointment. We went into this appointment with hearts full of faith and excitement, believing completely that God was going to work great things for us today.

My day started with encouraging words from my brother:

I know that my family is praying for me, but I sometimes forget that they are taking this journey right along with me. I forget that they are having their own special moments with God too while praying for  you. This journey to you is so much bigger than just me wanting you. This journey is so much bigger than my family wanting you. This journey is all about our merciful God and the way He tenderly whispers, "I love you," throughout our individual lives. This journey is about being an example and a witness to the power of God, despite the struggle and pain this journey can bring too! As I read these texts from my brother, I felt as if it was God's way of wrapping His arms around my family and whispering to us that He is still in control of this journey. I felt a peace and comfort and immediately knew today's appointment was going to be a positive one.

As I pulled into the parking garage all of my Christian radio stations' reception went out...except for one. A song I had never heard was playing. Had other stations been available, I probably would have changed stations. But I kept it on and listened. I am so glad I did and was so blessed by the beautiful lyrics!

I've had all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can't see
Past the things I pray
Today

But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim

How perfect! This journey to you has seemed like just that, the longest wait. Yet, when I focus my eyes on God, everything else grows dim. I feel like this past month I have been so much more focused on God and trusting His plan for us. I feel like my doubts and worries have truly faded. I know completely that you will soon be in our lives, little one!

As Keal and I sat in the examination room together, I looked over at him and said, "I'm nervous." He smiled and whispered back, "Me too!" He put his fingers to his wrist and said, "Seriously. You should take my pulse. I just want this miracle baby so bad." At that moment, we both bowed our heads, and both offered our own quiet pleas to God. In that moment, I felt so united as a couple, so united to God. It was such a personal, yet beautifully connected moment. I wonder if Keal will even remember it, it was that small and quick, but it was a moment I will treasure forever. We love you already, baby, and are praying so hard for you to make us a family of three!

After a somewhat long wait, the doctor finally came in. We were pleased to hear that the follicles are continuing to grow. The four follicles we had have now become six maturing follicles. Six is the limit. So, we continue to hope that these six grow, yet no more appear. Today, the doctor said, "It's just a matter of time. If more are going to grow, they're going to grow. There's nothing we can do to stop it, the wheels are already in motion." And I agree. God already has the wheels turning on this miracle. 

We go back Monday for one last check. If there are seven follicles, then this month is stopped and we cannot continue with the treatments. I am thankful for this report. God has shown His hand in every appointment we have had. I am glad He has one more miracle to work before The Miracle.

I have all my faith in God at this point - all other worries and doubts are strangely dim. I am so looking forward to Monday's appointment to hear that God has provided us with another miracle.