Happy (sigh) Mother's Day

"Mother's day for infertile women is like Valentine's day for single women....but way worse."

This is the quote I saw online this week. And I have to say, for the past two Mother Day's, I couldn't agree more. I loathe Mother's Day. There are so many landmarks that remind me we still don't have you. When we first started trying, I had read to go to the dentist beforehand. That was five trips to the dentist ago - each one still a painful reminder we don't have you. Any holiday is a reminder that you should be here. Every period is a slap in the face. But Mother's Day takes the cake. All my life I have wanted nothing more than to be a mother and at times on this journey it has seemed like my dream would never come true. 

But this Mother's Day is a little different. Still painful? Yes, selfishly it is a little painful. But this year I don't find myself in a state of self-pitying sobbing. This year I am continuing to hold on to my hope and my faith that you will soon be here. I know I am not a mother yet, but I do know that already I love you so much. I have already sacrificed a lot to be given the miracle of you and cannot wait until all these sacrifices pay off. 

Last night, I received the greatest gift ever imaginable....another dream of you! In the past, my dreams of you have always been very short snippets. Last night was a wonderful gem that was much longer than usual with a lot of great details. I first dreamt of finding out we were pregnant (with triplets?! Eek - I hope that's not a sign!!). Then I dreamt of the labor and delivery of you (just one of you at this point!). And then, I dreamt of bringing you home and taking care of you. It was one of the best dreams I've ever had. You were perfect. You already had this fabulous little personality. You were snuggly and cuddly. You smiled so much. You were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Perfection. Just absolute perfection. When I woke up, I wasn't sad that it was just a dream or that it was over. I woke up so happy knowing that I have this beautiful memory to hold on to until I finally meet you. 

So, this Mother's Day is another one that will come and go without you. But this Mother's Day is not one of complete sadness. This Mother's Day I am so thankful for my own mother. She has taught me so much in my life. She has been a role model through the years. She has shown me how I one day hope to mother my own children. She has been a friend I could turn to for anything. She has seen me at my highest, she has seen me at my lowest, and through it all loves me unconditionally. I have been so blessed with the perfect mother for me. I hope one day, Little One, you can say the same of me.