The Day My Life Changed

To my readers: we are keeping this private until we are out of the first trimester. But we wanted to share our wonderful news with those of you who have prayed so hard for us, been with us every step throughout this journey, and have been so close to us. 

Sunday, May 19, 2013.

5:23 AM.

After the transfer, Keal and I decided that I was going to take a test on Sunday, the day before our appointment. That way - good or bad - we would know the results in the privacy of our own home. I had made it through the two week wait much easier than I anticipated. It really did go much faster (nothing like the two week wait back in November, that was just torture!). But Saturday. Oh my, yesterday was the longest day of my life! I tried to will it to Sunday morning, but the time just wouldn't pass!

Around 3:30 this morning, I woke up. I strongly considered taking a test this early (they say it's best to test with your first pee of the day), but pushed away the urge. Instead, I used this moment of restlessness to have a beautiful conversation with God. Before I knew it, I had fallen back asleep.

Not two hours later had I woken up again...this time really having to go to the bathroom. So, I did. I took the longest walk of my life (maybe seven steps) to the bathroom. My heart raced with each step, I felt like I'd never get there.

Then, I took a test out of the box (I had removed the plastic wrap from the box the night before, anticipating that I'd be too nervous in the morning. This turned out to be brilliance because I was a shaky mess!!). Hands still shaking, I tried to rip the individual package. Finally, it was open.

Here it was. The moment I had been waiting for.

Let me preface this next part by saying, I am now an EXPERT at failing these types of tests. The first year of our journey, I was made to start every day with an ovulation test. And every single morning, I got to read the negative sign. It was such a hard and depressing way to start each day with the reminder that, "Nope. Your body still isn't working. You still won't get pregnant." I had never gotten a positive reading. And pregnancy tests, good grief, how many of those had I taken?! Before I knew we were (shhh...) infertile, I probably took one every month. Every month my period was late and every month I thought, Surly this is it! This is our month! And every month, I had a terrible "not pregnant" staring me back in the face.

I knew how to fail.

I knew the pain of those words, "not pregnant." But to get a positive test? That I had no idea how to process or what to do.

So, there I was, hands shaking, ready to take this test. I finished, placed it on the counter, and saw the hour glass blinking back at me. This was it. This was the moment I had been waiting for...these next three minutes were going to crawl by! But it wasn't three minutes, it was the fastest a test had ever come back for me. I stared at the results, mouth open, frozen in my bathroom. I stared at it again, this time touching it just slightly, making sure it was really real.

 

I always wondered how I would tell Keal when this day finally came. I wanted to make it special for him, this big huge production of some sort. Ha! Let me tell you, I have waited too long for this day to hold out on him and tell him in some grandiose way! So, with tears in my eyes I walked back to our bed where the poor guy was sleeping, oblivious to all that had just happened in the last three minutes. Oblivious to the fact that his life had already changed without him even knowing it! Without having to say anything, he woke up as I stood over him and saw I had tears in my eyes, "What? What did it say?!" I grinned, turned on the light, and laid the test on the bed. He squinted, read the test, and looked back at me with the biggest, sleepiest grin I had ever seen. We locked eyes and just kind of froze for a moment. Until, "Well come here!!" he said, pulled me into his arms and giving me a huge hug. We laid there, hugging, my heart racing, as I was still in shock.

All these years. All the fears and tears. All the prayers. All the pain (physical and emotional). In that instant, it all became worth it. Everything was instantly forgotten because in that moment, I knew I had you. God has heard our prayers, Little One. All my life I have wanted nothing more than to be a mother. And today, May 19 that prayer was answered. In nine months, you are going to make me a mother. From here on out, my life will never be the same. The weight of that one word, "pregnant," on that test is unlike anything I've ever experienced. I've waited so long for this day and I just don't have the words to express the joy I have in my heart. What a beautiful way to start my Sunday morning in praise and in conversation with God, thanking Him for this miracle! Incredible.