Hopefully Waiting

What a beautiful, exciting, emotional, hopeful day.

I thought I was good and ready to go. But let's first set the stage as to how nervous / anxious I really was beforehand. At 12:30, I was to take a Xanax to help calm my nerves before this procedure. At 12:31, sitting in the front seat of my parents' car, I took a swig of my Gatorade and threw the pill back. At least that was my plan. I threw that pill so far back and so completely far away from not just my mouth, but my entire head too! Gone. It fell underneath the seat. I mean really. Who does that?! So, the calm collected person I am, went into full panic. Lucky for me, my dad (the ever calming force) came to the rescue and found the tiny pill under my seat. So, at 12:33 I took the magic pill. At about, oh 12:45, I was starting to feel good.

Keal, my mom, dad, and I all arrived at the doctor's office right on time. I have had plenty of moments of breakdowns throughout this journey. There have been countless doctor appointments where I have left completely devastated. Countless car rides home have been done in hysterical sobbing. But I have always kept it together inside the office. I don't know why, but I always feel like I need to be strong once I'm there. Today was the exception.

We had been joking around and just casually talking in the waiting room, when Keal said, "Yep. They're gonna transfer the eggs." I quickly corrected him, "Embryos. They're more than eggs now! They are transferring life into my body today." And as I uttered those words, I immediately teared up with the power and weight of those words. I couldn't help but to be overcome with emotion in that waiting room. I rested  my head on Keal's shoulder, my rock, and prayed a quick and silent prayer.

Before I knew it, we were being whisked back to the same room as last Wednesday. Again, I got to sport my fancy gown and slippers. When I came out of the bathroom from changing, I saw Keal modeling his own scrubs and slippers. I felt such a peace! We had hoped he would be joining me, but weren't quite sure.

After we were both prepped and ready, we saw pictures of our fifteen embryos. Incredible. Five had not quite developed correctly. But the others were looking good...two specifically looked great. So, we agreed that they were the two we'd transfer. The rest, they'll watch for one more day and then freeze for a later date (because we know this round is going to take! But hey, some day you are going to need a brother or sister!).

From there, we walked back to the procedure room (a little dizzily....gotta love that Xanax!). Both of my doctors helped get me situated and before I knew it, it was over! Keal held my hand the entire time, as we locked eyes throughout it all, praying for our sweet miracle. It was such a tender, beautiful moment we shared. Completely united together as a couple and a family.

After an easy, practically painless, procedure, we then got to spend 30 quiet minutes alone. There was no one significant moment during this period, but just being next to Keal, holding his hand, knowing of the hope that waits before us, was powerful. At one point he kissed my hand, as I whispered yet another silent prayer. He rubbed my belly and talked to our precious embryos, encouraging them to grow and implant. The joy and hope felt in this moment was so wonderful. There is not a more perfect man in the world for me to be taking this journey alongside. I thank God daily for Keal in my life. He has been such a rock for me through it all.

And now Little One comes the hardest part of all. No, it's not the needles (I've champed that!). It's not the countless pills (bring on the side effects, I can take it). It's the waiting. It's the agonizing, day by day waiting of hearing that God has worked this miracle.

Today, starts my bed rest regiment, lasting all the way through Thursday (they snuck in one extra day of bed rest on me today!). I am probably the worst at this. I am a multi-tasker, busy bee, gotta always be moving type gal. So, to be stuck on my couch (they don't even want me doing my stairs!) for the next three full days, is going to definitely be a challenge. But, if I've done all I've done up to this point, I know I can do this too! I have scripture nearby, papers to grade, books to read, gadgets to play with, and oh yes, a giant test on Saturday to study for! So, I'm sure I can stay "busy" while keeping my body still. I have some great "nurses" taking care of me this week.

I keep reminding myself, "I'm waiting on You Lord. And I am peaceful. I am waiting on You, Lord. Thought it's  not easy, but faithfully, I will wait." I love you Little One, and pray that God is bringing you to us soon!

first meal my sweet hubby got me: my mom's homemade chicken and dumplings!

let the resting begin!

enjoying bed rest and keeping me company! great nurse!