But why?

This journey has been such a roller coaster of emotions. We have experienced such beautiful and inspiring highs and such devastating lows. Each day brings with it a new emotion. And through these highs and lows, through the tears and praises, the anger and fears, I can't help but ask God why. I don't ask because I doubt His plan - I know there is a reason. I ask because I just can't see the big picture yet. I do believe that a lot of this is helping to increase Keal's relationship with God. I believe I am learning to not be such a planner, to let go, and to trust God more. But still...why? Why so long? Why us? Why not others who seem to need this lesson more than us?

I am trying to focus on my faith and trust in God over these next five days as we wait for Tuesday's appointment. I am trusting that His hand will be moved. I am trying not to focus on the negatives that we could hear, but yet the positive that no matter what we hear, we are one step closer to you. And through it all, I am trying to understand His plan for us.

Today, I was reading from the first chapter of James. What a perfect chapter for me this morning, helping to answer my constant whys.


1:2-4 "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."

When God gives us a challenge or trial, we need to accept His challenge with joy. No, it is not the trial itself we are joyful for, but it is because of the trials that God can work positive things in our lives. Through this painful journey to you, we are going to witness such an incredible miracle in our lives. Through this painful journey, we are growing closer to God each and every day. How could I not joy in these wonderful things? It is the victory over these trials that are going to bring this spiritual growth...so I cannot fall. I must stay strong throughout this journey, so that at the end I can claim victory with Jesus Christ! 

1: 5 "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."

Ah-ha! Validation that my constant whys are okay! Not asking why in pity and in the poor me mode, but asking for His wisdom to understand this journey. And I thank God that as I was asking Him why this morning, He answered with this chapter! God does not give us a trial and leave us to figure it out on our own. He gives us trials to test us - will we turn to Him for guidance? Will we stay strong in our walk with Him as we walk through these trials? Will we thank Him and find joy in Him along the way of our trials?

1: 6-8 "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways."

When we ask Him why though, it must be in faith. It must be in strength. We must trust in the Lord that He will bring us through these trials.

This morning I am praising God that He heard my question and that He answered my why. Do I have all the answers? No. But do I have a better understanding and more wisdom in this journey? Absolutely. I know God has a perfect plan for us, for this journey, and for you. I know that if we stay strong throughout this journey, our relationship with God will just be that much stronger in the end. And so, through the pain, through the ups and downs, I will continue to find joy in this journey. I will continue to find joy in our trials because our sweet and perfect miracle is waiting for us at the end of the pain!