Thanksgiving

I have been dreading today ever since we found out we weren't pregnant. Reasons why I was ready to just skip Thanksgiving:

1. I would be spending it with my pregnant sister-in-law.
2. When sharing what we were thankful for, I had planned on saying our miracle, and announce our pregnancy
3. I've slipped into a Debbie Downer state-of-mood, playing the pity-party game, "Oh poor me, there's nothing to be thankful for."
4. I was missing my family, who was out of town

I have to say though, today was not all bad.There were definitely moments of sadness, but even in my sadness, there is a lot to be thankful for.

This year, I am incredibly thankful for my marriage - probably even more than I have been in the past. This journey to you has been such a roller coaster ride for me personally, but also for our marriage. There have been so many different emotions and stresses along the way that Keal and I both process so differently. We have had such highs in this journey as a couple, and we have definitely hit rock bottom. Part of our challenge, is that we see it all. Our families get a glimpse of what we're going through, but Keal sees it all. He has seen me at my lowest, my angriest, and darkest places. And while this can add to the stress of the journey (it's tough to see each other at our ugliest), it has brought us closer together. No matter what, we are always there to pick each other up.

I found a card the other day, that put perfectly into words how much I appreciate Keal this year:

So grateful for your love. I know it can't' be easy putting up with all my moods, giving me the space I need when I'm unhappy or upset or filled with doubt...But somehow, you hang in there and accept me as I am, loving me through everything and being more supportive than I ever dreamed anyone could be...I only hope you realize how wonderful you are. There's no one luckier in love than I am because of you."

And it is so true; I wish I would've been the one to write those words! I am so blessed that Keal is the  man I get to take this journey with. I am blessed that we balance each other out so well. And I am blessed that we are facing this journey together because we are so much closer because of it. 

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for a strong and united marriage. I am thankful for a love that can withstand the storms of this journey. I am thankful for the fact that Keal continues to hold me up and carry me on when I just don't have the strength. I am thankful for this time God has given me and Keal together as a family of two. We want you here so badly, but I'm grateful for this precious time together as a couple. I know once we receive our miracle, life will forever be changed. And while we are so ready to welcome that change, for now, we will appreciate this time we have together. I am thankful for the miracle God is working in our lives. We are beyond blessed for our beautiful life and for that, I am so thankful.

Loving his new Thanksgiving toy!